His one consolation is the Unnamed City is seriously neglected, it isn't full of people, so there's some privacy, even outside of that small, sparce apartment.]
...... You-
[Shaking his head, he presses on.]
You said it yourself. Before. My memory's unreliable.
[He thought about it for days, convinced himself he'd packaged it up, everything he wanted to say, all nice and neat. That it wouldn't be like this, when it came down to it.
Except here's the thing. Someone could say "In the end, it's still Cloud", but given everything that he's come to understand the last few days, he's come to question how much of him is actually "Cloud".]
I didn't recognize Zack. You, too.
It's like there's these- [His exhale is, again, frustrated.]
[that silence goes on a lot longer than he'd like.]
These lives inside me. That don't always line up.
[Things he remembers doing. Things he remembers doing even when they contrast with other things he remembers doing, things that belonged to someone else. Or to Zack.
Then there are the other things, those brief flashes, that are at once familiar and... unfamiliar, that evoke such a profound response in him that it's hard to dismiss them as anything other than real.]
[ he can't begin to imagine what it's like for him, so he won't.
maybe he should have lent cloud his ears more often back on gaia, but he was still coming to terms with his own life and then, well, deepground happened. ]
[Articulating just this much has been an ordeal. Assembling something that makes sense? Out of everything he's learned and felt and thought in the last few weeks? That's a big ask.]
We're friends, right.
[Cloud hates how he hears Zack echoing out of his own mouth, not because of his admiration for Zack, but because he's seeing what he's built himself up to be in a different light, realizing how much of that was based on some... elevated ideal of SOLDIER, of Zack, of-]
[ truthfully, he... didn't expect cloud to come to him this quickly — to discuss what's going on with his mind. vincent figured that he would need more time, to deal with it on his own. it's significant progress that he's even trying right now, even if he's backpedaling quite a bit. he can understand though.
it's never easy to talk about one's own afflictions and, for that, cloud is far braver than he is. ]
[There's not a whole lot to distract himself with here and there's only so much clearing debris and slap-shod repair attempts he can do without tools and materials better than scrap. Left with nothing but time to think, even someone like Cloud will try to find respite or resolution.
He's also really short on allies. Going it alone as long as he had, the irony that he grew used to company enough to miss it isn't lost on him.
With furrowed brows, crossed arms, and even fewer words, Cloud's answer is just]
it seems all the inactivity has given cloud a little too much time to think. but to be fair to him, he isn't familiar with vincent or aware of what type of relationship they have in the future. it's still a needless train of thought though. ]
[He can't help questioning it. Not when the recognition had been so one-sided at first. Just like Cloud can't help recognizing that the conclusion he comes to isn't exactly fair to Vincent (and that some part of him, nameless as the city, the island, takes him so easily at his word that they're friends, like this fact lives inside him devoid of all evidence).
His silence lasts for a long period before Cloud at last chooses to lean against a crumbling partition between a residence and a thoroughfare.]
[Found him? Vincent, that's begging for this kind of follow up question.]
Where? When? [He exhales in a frustrated huff. He can't know because it hasn't happened to him yet, is that it? So why is he so aware of where Vincent is at this moment, why care at all, why feel on any level a kind of... steadiness when he's around?]
[There's a soft creak when Cloud closes his fist and presses the whole line of that arm against the wall, his head turning in a shake to which he fails to totally commit, frustrated.
That's if they ever get back. Not all of the machines are helpful and the few he managed to ask about the teleporter seemed insistent that it only goes one way. This bleak revelation is one Cloud keeps to himself, knowing the contagious nature of low morale, not wanting to burden anyone else.
And he... misses them. Tifa's gentle sensitivity, Aerith's mischievous sincerity. He'd even take the second-hand catharsis of having to tolerate another of Barret's bellowing sermons, knowing someone else is as frustrated as he is.]
Find me one person who has no expectations. That guy doesn't exist.
[ vincent received similar discouraging answers, but he isn't so quick to believe the words of machines whose only prerogative is revitalizing their planet. they need living beings for eros energy, so it would go against their primary objective if they assist everyone trapped here in finding a viable way home.
no people, no cure to a rapidly decaying world. ]
I have no expectations for you because your life is yours to live. I'm only here to support you when you need me.
[Worded a little more vehemently than he really meant to. He realizes, it's why his head drops and he absent-mindedly shakes out the hand he had smacked against the wall in frustration.
Looking down at it, he flexes his fingers a few times as he gathers his thoughts. Accept it? That he somehow ended up with a mysterious friend who has handed him a blank check he can cash whenever he needs him?]
I-
[He's flying blind, here. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do, where he goes from here. If there's anywhere to go to and if it's even worth trying. Zack and Vincent both exist and mean something important to Cloud, and both of those are tangled up complications for completely different reasons.]
[ he can't fault the kid for finding it difficult to accept or reckon with, not when he himself would react in the same way. (maybe a little less angrily, but he tends to give "keeping one's cool" a whole new meaning.) all the same, he isn't quite sure how to reassure him here. ]
You don't have to know what to do with it, Cloud. [ his tone is calm and steady as he offers a light shrug of his shoulder. ] Just let it be.
[ a thoughtful pause and then: ] There will come a day when you need me. When that time comes, you can then do something with it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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turn around, u chocobo head. ]
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Ever occur to you you're an asshole?
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Yes.
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Forget it.
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I can't.
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His one consolation is the Unnamed City is seriously neglected, it isn't full of people, so there's some privacy, even outside of that small, sparce apartment.]
...... You-
[Shaking his head, he presses on.]
You said it yourself. Before. My memory's unreliable.
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he gives an affirmative nod. ]
I did.
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Except here's the thing. Someone could say "In the end, it's still Cloud", but given everything that he's come to understand the last few days, he's come to question how much of him is actually "Cloud".]
I didn't recognize Zack. You, too.
It's like there's these- [His exhale is, again, frustrated.]
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he is nothing but patience, so go on and collect your thoughts. he'll wait. ]
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These lives inside me. That don't always line up.
[Things he remembers doing. Things he remembers doing even when they contrast with other things he remembers doing, things that belonged to someone else. Or to Zack.
Then there are the other things, those brief flashes, that are at once familiar and... unfamiliar, that evoke such a profound response in him that it's hard to dismiss them as anything other than real.]
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maybe he should have lent cloud his ears more often back on gaia, but he was still coming to terms with his own life and then, well, deepground happened. ]
Explain them to me.
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We're friends, right.
[Cloud hates how he hears Zack echoing out of his own mouth, not because of his admiration for Zack, but because he's seeing what he's built himself up to be in a different light, realizing how much of that was based on some... elevated ideal of SOLDIER, of Zack, of-]
Whatever you're expecting, forget it.
[Zack's Cloud...
Vincent's Cloud...
He'll only let them down.]
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it's never easy to talk about one's own afflictions and, for that, cloud is far braver than he is. ]
What do you think I'm expecting?
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He's also really short on allies. Going it alone as long as he had, the irony that he grew used to company enough to miss it isn't lost on him.
With furrowed brows, crossed arms, and even fewer words, Cloud's answer is just]
A different me.
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it seems all the inactivity has given cloud a little too much time to think. but to be fair to him, he isn't familiar with vincent or aware of what type of relationship they have in the future. it's still a needless train of thought though. ]
I'm not.
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His silence lasts for a long period before Cloud at last chooses to lean against a crumbling partition between a residence and a thoroughfare.]
How did we meet?
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You found me. [ a pause and then: ] I was... asleep for a long time and you woke me up.
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Where? When? [He exhales in a frustrated huff. He can't know because it hasn't happened to him yet, is that it? So why is he so aware of where Vincent is at this moment, why care at all, why feel on any level a kind of... steadiness when he's around?]
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You'll find out once we've returned to where we belong. [ yes, once; not if. ]
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That's if they ever get back. Not all of the machines are helpful and the few he managed to ask about the teleporter seemed insistent that it only goes one way. This bleak revelation is one Cloud keeps to himself, knowing the contagious nature of low morale, not wanting to burden anyone else.
And he... misses them. Tifa's gentle sensitivity, Aerith's mischievous sincerity. He'd even take the second-hand catharsis of having to tolerate another of Barret's bellowing sermons, knowing someone else is as frustrated as he is.]
Find me one person who has no expectations. That guy doesn't exist.
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no people, no cure to a rapidly decaying world. ]
I have no expectations for you because your life is yours to live. I'm only here to support you when you need me.
[ so, stop overthinking it. ]
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[Worded a little more vehemently than he really meant to. He realizes, it's why his head drops and he absent-mindedly shakes out the hand he had smacked against the wall in frustration.
Looking down at it, he flexes his fingers a few times as he gathers his thoughts. Accept it? That he somehow ended up with a mysterious friend who has handed him a blank check he can cash whenever he needs him?]
I-
[He's flying blind, here. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do, where he goes from here. If there's anywhere to go to and if it's even worth trying. Zack and Vincent both exist and mean something important to Cloud, and both of those are tangled up complications for completely different reasons.]
Don't know.
[stop overthinking? don't know her.]
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You don't have to know what to do with it, Cloud. [ his tone is calm and steady as he offers a light shrug of his shoulder. ] Just let it be.
[ a thoughtful pause and then: ] There will come a day when you need me. When that time comes, you can then do something with it.